She Who Has Yet To Be Named:
I’m not sure it’s optimism that has ruined your life [sic]. Rather, it’s that you assume that everyone will be as good as you are; that they are kindhearted; that they care how their actions affect others. But the fact is, people are dicks. Not all people and not all the time (I’m not completely sure on this point yet, all people might suck, actually) (suck dicks, ha!). When you put your faith in people that don’t deserve it or have not earned it, then you are opening yourself up to be hurt. So, it is a testament to your character that you keep giving people the benefit of the doubt. There’s an excellent book called Psychopath Free that helped me to realize this. Unfortunately, I cannot send it to you because I open mine up to re-read whenever I feel beat up by the world. So, don’t change. Let’s wait for the world to change around us!
Today was supposed to be a day full of applying for jobs. Instead, I’ve spent the day shopping for books, catching Pokemon, swimming with the kids, and playing PoohSticks. For sure, a much better use of my day.
You may have noticed that I’ve been feeling very adrift since I started my job search, feeling like a don’t really have a direction I want to go in. But I was talking to my current boss, and realized that I have too many directions I want to go in and no clear way to see which is the best way. Laughable, really, if I was in the mood. Instead of being stuck because I have no options, I am stuck because I have too many.
Did I tell you that The Teenager does tarot readings? I had her do a reading for me yesterday. (I had banned her from doing further tarot readings for me when she got WAY too scary good at it. There are just some things I don’t want to know.) In the course of the reading, I realized that I need to be a writer. It is the one and only thing I’ve really ever dreamed of being. The one constant in my ever-changing, crazy life. I have always been too unsure, too scared, too busy, too sick, too whatever, to stand up and say, “I am a writer.” That changes today.
I am a writer.